Dealing with The Deaths of Not-So-Close Ones #CauseAChatter

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This post was written in the midst of the deadly second wave of the coronavirus in India. I have only gotten around to putting it up now, however, the sentiment remains the same whatever the situation or cause of death may be.

It’s that time of the month again – to put my thinking cap on and share some wisdom for one of the causes listed by Blogchatter. When I signed up for their #CauseAChatter program, it was only as a means to keep my blog alive, as I found my time increasingly devoted to other writing pursuits. Unfortunately, I don’t think I realised how much work the #CauseAChatter campaign would entail! Every month, I search for a topic on which I can share a message of help and encouragement, and every month it proves a bit of a struggle. Perhaps, I can blame my laziness on the second wave of Covid-19. After all, it has taken over our consciousness completely, minimising all other issues. So, in this post, we will just talk about my current frame of mind. If my feelings and experiences resonate with you, then I’ll feel I’ve helped someone.

If one is to believe the news, the numbers of people infected with Covid-19 and the number of deaths are finally on the decline. Medical infrastructure seems to have finally caught up with the needs of our badly-affected population, citizen initiatives continue but with less urgency, and influencers have returned to posting regular content on social media instead of solely working to ‘amplify’ Covid-messages. So, perhaps it’s safe to say, we’re far better placed than we were at this time last month. However, we’re not completely out of the woods yet.

Dealing with the Death of Not-So-Close Ones

Cases are continuing as are Covid-related deaths, and yesterday I heard of the untimely demise of a teacher in my son’s school, which really shook me. Ms. Reena Verma did not personally teach my son, but her ever-smiling friendly and warm personality made her popular and quite well-known in the corridors of school. Every pre-school parent knew her and appreciated her genial kindness. Needless to say, her death caught us off-guard and left us sad and bewildered, not quite sure how exactly to feel or grieve.

This experience begs the question – when there is established procedure for humans to process the deaths of loved ones, what about the process for grieving those that aren’t close to us but whose death still signifies something? A human being – well and alive – who undoubtedly made an impression on you, is suddenly gone. You feel shock certainly, sadness too…. And maybe survivor’s guilt? Worry that it could happen to you or those closest to you? Concern for the family of the departed? Myriad emotions crop up, yet you don’t allow yourself to truly feel and process them because there are so many other things you should be worrying about instead.

Let yourself feel. Let yourself process it. The earlier you understand and take cognisance of your feelings, the more likely you are to be able to move on and feel more positive about yourself and your life.

Here are a few suggestions for those of you in similar situations:

  1. Write a heartfelt condolence message. Don’t be afraid to share details as one would in an obituary. The more expansive you are in your expression, the better you will be able to come to terms with the loss.
  2. Do something that makes you happy immediately – hug a child, call a friend or family member, exercise, dance, listen to uplifting music, eat a piece of chocolate.
  3. If you have access to photos of that person, go through them. Remind yourself of that person in happier times and pledge to remember them as they were in those photos.
  4. Plan the rest of your day around tasks that are sure to take your focus away from the disturbing incident – complete pending deadlines, finish chores or just read the book you’ve been putting off for ages.
  5. Practice thankfulness and affirmations of gratitude before sleeping. Thank the universe for everything you have had the chance to feel today – most importantly, for being alive, well and able to feel.

Remember, all our lives will come to an end someday, but what truly matters is making the most of our living moments.

Adios till next month. Fortunately, I have a topic for that one, and I promise it’s not as morose as this.

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This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter.

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla and sponsored by Queen’s Brigade.

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*This is not a sponsored post.

**Copyright in pictures and content belongs to nooranandchawla.com and cannot be republished or repurposed without express permission of the author. As I am a copyright lawyer by profession, infringement of any kind will invite strict legal action.

6 comments

  1. Quite a thoughtful and heartfelt post. Very much relatable to the current situation we are all going through in this pandemic. almost all of us have lost many of our close and loved ones, including friends and neighbors. Hoping this will end somewhere.

  2. I can feel you Noor I have been through this few days ago. Such news shake us no matter the gone soul is known or unknown to us. And from last one and half year the series of such incidents has made us more aware that nothing perpetual the only thing is in our hands is living in the moments to the fullest and be grateful for every bliss! Agree on all the pointers.

  3. This is so right. I had to calm down and process some sudden deaths of not so close ones who used to be close once upon a time and condolence messages are really tough to write. Good post!

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